The Chains That Bind Us
by CommanderLavellan
Summary: I could have become one if not for the Inquisition. A Red Templar. / Solas didn't expect a Dalish to grasp such magic so easily. It's annoying, how he defines me as Dalish. Am I not my own person? [CullenxFemaleMageLavellan]
1. Chapter 1

_The Chains That Bind Us_

* * *

**Red Templars (Part 1)**

* * *

I could have become one if not for the Inquisition. Even after the Circle, the blight, kirkwall and Meredith – I wouldn't have second guessed my commander. I would have been a monster – worse than I already am. I had given up lyrium and I will not go back. No matter what nightmares would haunt me while I slept. No matter how much my mind swam and how much pain I was in daily. I will not give into the temptation. I can't.

Some nights the dreams were unbearable. Switching from the Circle tower to my almost future. I have been saved some night, when the nightmares become unbearable. My guardian angel. My Angel has been keeping me sane since my talk with the Inquisitor. She had convinced me to stay off the Lyrium, taking into account what I wanted, what was best for me and not what she thought was best for the Inquisition. She trusts me and I refuse to let her down.

* * *

"Commander?" Lavellan knocked in the door of Cullen's office, peaking her head through to see the Commander leaning against his desk with a report in his hand. Lavellan tilted her head to the side and shut the door behind her. Cullen was unaware of her presence as she moved closer towards him. His back was to her, his butt leaning again his desk as he mumbled about the report. Lavellan watched Cullen intently from the side, watching how the scar that cut through his lip would crinkle and thin as he spoke to himself. His eyebrows would rise when he came across certain details in the file and would furrow when he came across something that troubled him. Lavellan stepped closer, clearing her throat announcing be presence.

"O-oh! Inquisitor! I-uhm..." Cullen cleared his throat and turned around, setting the report on his desk.

"How are the troops?" Lavellan stood next to his desk, placing her hands behind her back as she smiled brightly at the Commander.

"Moral has gone up since we stopped the assassination plot against Empress Celene. She has also sent some troops as a gesture of gratitude for stopping the assassination." Cullen placed his hand on the pommel of his sword, a small smile tugging at his lips as he saw Lavellan's face scrunch up in disdain.

"I hate politics." Lavellan repeated many times before.

"What of the Inquisition?" Cullen cross his arms, his smile only growing as he saw Lavellan purse her lips in thought.

"I gotta admit," Lavellan crossed her arms and tilted her head down, hiding her smile, "The Inquisition has grown on me. I didn't think so many would mean so much to me or that so many people would be okay with..._me_."

"With you?"

"I never thought I would be Inquisitor, Cullen. I'm a Dalish elf who happens to also be a mage. Neither of those things are okay with most people. Even the Dalish are weary of mages." Lavellan leaned her hip against his desk, a small frown forming on her lips as she turned her head away.

"I..." Cullen rubbed his neck, clearing his throat. He knew she was right, no amount of words in the world could stop her from thinking that way.

"I should go." Lavellan pushed her hip off his desk, uncrossing her arms. "I shouldn't waste anymore of your time."

Lavellan turned around, heading towards the door. Cullen watched her, his voice caught in his throat.

"I...Inquisitor." Cullen forced out, walking around his desk. Lavellan had her hand wrapped on the door handle as she turned to face Cullen.

"I have never had any doubt's in my mind of you. You are an elf, yes, and a mage but that doesn't define you." Cullen stood in front if his desk, "I have always trusted your judgment since before you were chosen to be the Inquisitor...I trust you."

Lavellan looked at Cullen, a hidden smile as she mumbled a small thank you before leaving.

* * *

Drowning in his own dreams that night was not fun. His dreams were taunting him. Flashes of the Ferelden Circle plagued him. His comrades being struck down by demons and entities. To Kirkwall, where his own Knight-Commander slaughtered innocent mages and made him do the same. Samson flashed in his dream for a brief moment before a vial of Lyrium was handed to him.

**It's a new form.**

**It won't harm you.**

**It will make you stronger.**

Without any hesitation he took it. The red lyrium burning down his throat as he screamed in pain. He was changing – red lyrium growing out of him, his eyes growing red with the taint red lyrium posed, his breathing becoming labored and his breath coming out of him in rub puffs. He palmed the snow, reaching for something to clutch onto as Samson mumbled above him.

**He won't make it.**

Cullen screamed at Samson, cursing and glaring as he forced himself to stand. He cringed as he felt another red lyrium crystal force his way out of him, falling back down to his knees.

**Put him out of his misery.**

Cullen weakly looked up to see another Red Templar take Samson's place, a sword held above his head about to strike.

_No._ Cullen breathed out. The Red Templar faded before his sword hit Cullen. A glowing green figure slowly walked towards him, hovering a few inches above the snowy ground. Words fell from its mouth as it reached its hand down, helping him up.

The lyrium shards fell from his body, the red lyrium taint leaving his body as it placed a kiss upon Cullen forehead.

_**Aa' lasser en lle coia orn n' omenta gurtha.**_

Cullen shot up in bed, covered in sweat. His breath was labored as he looked around the dark room. The light from the moon poured in through the cracks in the roof, illuminating the small loft. He slowed his breathing, falling back onto his pillow with a groan.

"Makers breath..."

* * *

**Elven Magic (Part 2)**

* * *

Being my clans First, I know a lot of old elven magic. Solas has been helping me perfect it since the news of my clan being attacked and destroyed finally reached us. Solas informs me every time I complete a spell without a mistake that I am improving, blossoming. He didn't expect a Dalish to grasp such magic so easily. It's annoying, how he defines me as Dalish. Am I not my own person? He speaks about how spirits shouldn't be defined as being unreal because they lack a material body.

Should I be defined in the same way? I was raised among the Dalish but that is not who I am. I am Evangeline Lavellan – not Evangeline Lavellan the Dalish elf or Evangeline Lavellan the mage and not even Evangeline Lavellan the Inquisitor. Just Evangeline Lavellan.

* * *

"Commander?" Leliana looked toward Cullen as he entered the war room. His hair was curled, forgetting to gel it down. The bags around his eyes becoming more dominate, his skin paling. His auburn eyes tired and drained. Lavellan walked over to him as he entered.

"Cullen-"

"I am fine." A forced smile.

Lavellan stood back, letting Cullen walk to the war table. Looking at him she knew he was lying. She made a mental note to watch him more carefully. She knew he could do it, deal with lyrium withdraw and surpass it. He was strong minded and had the motivation to get through it. Lavellan walked back towards the war table as the strategy meeting started. Lavellan watched Cullen, taking notice when his fingers shook over the map, how his lip curled in pain when he moved a certain way. She frowned and down casted her gaze back to the map.

"If we get to the temple before Corypheus' forces do, we can avoid the battle all together and take the Eluvian before he realizes it is gone."

Lavellan shut her eyes, even when Cullen spoke she could hear he was in pain.

"O-okay." Lavellan cleared the throat and looked at her advisors, "We have plans set for if he does show up before us and if we get there in time before his own forces arrive. Is there anything else we wish to discuss in this meeting?"

Her eyes trailed over her advisors, lingering at Cullen before moving on.

"No, your worship. That is all we had planned for this meeting." Josephine spoke, checking something off her clipboard.

Lavellan nodded, placing her hands behind her back, "You may leave than."

Her advisors bowed their heads to her before leaving. Lavellan took a deep breath when the war room door shut, letting it out when she let her hands fall to her side. She placed her hands against the table, looking down at the map.

_He's still in pain._

Lavellan shook her head and left the war room to find Cole.

"I need a favor," Lavellan found Cole later that day after dinner. He sat on the edge of the ramparts, hitting the sole of his foot against the wall as he mumbled to himself.

"It is about the Commander. He is still in trouble, yes?" Cole turned his head to look at Lavellan, who leaned her stomach against on the wall. She hummed in confirmation.

"I will watch him." Cole turned his head back towards the mountains, "I will help."

Lavellan left Cole after thanking him. She decided to take the short cut to the main hall through Cullens office, knocking on his door before sticking her head through.

Cullen was asleep at his desk, his arms folded in front of him as he forehead rested against them. Lavellan walked in, shutting the door behind her, and walked over to Cullen.

_He shouldn't go to sleep like this._

Lavellan walked next to Cullen, shaking his shoulder lightly, "Cullen...wake up." Cullen mumbled something inaudible, swatting his hand in the air. Lavellan held in her laugh, tapping Cullen on his shoulder, "Commander...Commander Rutherford."

"In-Inquisitor!" Cullen quickly stood up, his chair falling back against the wall as he stepped away from his desk.

Lavellan covered her mouth, giggling, "Are you all right, Commander?"

"Y-yes, I...oh, Makers Breath." Cullen sighed and rubbed the back if his neck, the tips of his ears turning red in embarrassment.

"You shouldn't fall asleep at your desk, Commander." Lavellan smiled, pulling up the chair from the wall.

"I uh..." Cullen cleared his throat, fixing the chair once Lavellan let go of it, "I didn't...I-I wasn't…"

"Cullen," Lavellan took a step towards Cullen and looked up at him, "I...I'm worried about you."

"Inquisitor, you do not need to be."

"I know you can beat this, Cullen," Lavellan took another step forward, Cullen looking down and to the sides as she continued to speak, "But please, if you need anything…"

Cullen sighed, raking a hand through his curly hair, "Inquisitor...I-"

"For right now, Cullen," She placed a hand on his cheek, a reassuring smile, "Get some sleep. We'll speak more tomorrow."

Cullen smiled, a small nod as Lavellan pulled her hand away. "Thank you, Inquisitor. I shall see you tomorrow."

Lavellan nodded and headed to the door, "You shall."

Lavellan shut the door to Cullen's office behind her, taking a breath. She looked up at the door before leaving towards the rotunda. Lavellan bit her lip and hugged herself as she walked past Solas' desk, unaware of his presence as she though.

"Inquisitor?" Solas looked up from his book, catching Lavellan's attention.

"Hmm?" Lavellan looked up and stopped walking, "Oh, Solas. I needed to speak with you about practice tonight. Leliana has me finishing up the last of the reports on Adamant so I won't be able to study tonight."

Solas nodded and went back to his book, "Understood, Inquisitor." Lavellan nodded and walked out of the rotunda, heading towards her room.

She awoke hours later by Cole pulling her out of bed.

"Again?" Lavellan murmured as Cole lead her to Cullen's quarters, "How bad?"

"_Bad_," Cole looked back at her, panicked. "Walls closing in, screaming, crying, dying. 'Sacrifice is needed,' he said. 'Your death will help the future Templars.'"

Lavellan's lips thinned as Cole spoke. The nightmares are getting worse. Cole grabbed the handle to Cullen's office, Lavellan quickly grabbing his hand.

"Thank you, Cole," Cole turned to her, letting go of the handle, "Let me handle this alone tonight."

Cole nodded and stepped aside, "I will come if you need help."

Lavellan mouthed a thank you before Cole disappeared, leaving her to enter Cullen's office alone. Lavellan trekked up the ladder quietly, not to wake Cullen. She walked towards him, seeing him jerk and cringe in his sleep, a heavy layer of sweat on him. Lavellan frowned and stood next to the bed, the anchor on her hand activating as she brought it up to Cullen's forehead. His brows furrowed as he mumbled curses and names. Lavellan sat next to him on his bed when his jerking died down. His shoulders tense as Lavellan hovered her fingers over the side of his forehead, pushing more magic to sooth his nightmares. Soon Cullen stopped talking, his body relaxing.

"_Quel kaima_." Lavellan whispered before placing a kiss on his forehead. She pulled back and stood up, "I believe in you."

Lavellan woke up the next morning and quickly got dressed. She headed to her door and stopped when she heard someone knock.

"Yes?" she called, walking down the stairs to the door. With no answer she slowly opened it, peaking her head out. Her eyes caught sight on a folded piece of parchment laid on the ground. She opened the door fully and picking it up. She could hear Leliana and Josephine talking below her, heading to the war room.

She opened the paper and read it.

_**Thank you.**_

Lavellan furrowed her brows and shut her door behind her as she headed to the main hall. She shoved the paper into her coat pocket and walked out. Lavellan walked into the war room, seeing her advisors ready to set the time they will leave for the arbor wilds next week. She looked at Cullen as she walked towards the war table, a hidden smile and knowing eyes look at her. He mouthed a thank you, causing Lavellan to blush and keep her eyes away from Cullen the remainder of the meeting.

* * *

**ADD NOTE:**

_Aa' lasser en lle coia orn n' omenta gurtha – May the leaves of your life tree never turn brown_

_Quel kaima – Sleep Well_


	2. moving

I AM **OFFICIALLY MOVING** TO MY **AO3 ACCOUNT** (**_SooraLavellen_**) IS JUST TOO ANNOYING NOW. I APOLOGIZE TO EVERYONE, IT'S JUST TOO MUCH OF A HASILE. HOPE TO SEE YOU ALL ON MY AO3 ACCOUNT! MUCH LOVE!

**~ VanguardShepard-Commander / SooraLavellan / CommanderLavellan ~**


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